Thursday, April 15, 2010

disappointed in myself

I have never really been a person who is bothered by other pregnant women. Even when I have been going through the things that I have. But, lately the feeling is overwhelming. I love hearing of other peoples pregnancies, I am genuinely excited for them and will tell them so. But after, I feel broken.

Then there is the guilt from feeling broken. Do I really have a right to feel that way? I mean I do have children so is it right of me to even think that way? I hate feeling broken, it isn't me, but I have changed so much in the last year.

I feel discouraged right now, I didn't even have that bad of an appt yesterday, but hearing that there was another fibroid, I will be honest, scares me. They told me they would come back, I had no idea it would be as quickly as it was.

I don't mean this like I don't want to hear about all of your pregnancies, because I do, I love it actually. I just need to work through this and I'll be fine. Thank you for listening.
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5 comments:

  1. KimApril 15, 2010 at 10:19 AM

    I understand. Mine is women who are about ready to give birth (past 27 weeks) and women with normal newborns. I wouldn't call mine anger, but I am so jealous! It makes no sense at all. I had three normal pregnancies, but I still feel that way. So yes I understand..

    It isn't as bad as it used to be with me, but it is still there. Maybe one day I will get over it and be able to think like a normal person. =0)

    ((HUGS))

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  2. mommylifeApril 15, 2010 at 10:31 AM

    yeah it's definitely not an anger. Not even a sadness, but I guess jealousy describes it. It's a stinky feeling.

    I can understand why you would feel that way as well. I would imagine you feel like you missed out on a lot with his pregnancy because it was so short.

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  3. KimApril 15, 2010 at 3:25 PM

    It is a horrible feeling, but there is a reason behind it. I think one day we both will be able to move on.

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  4. iiriApril 15, 2010 at 3:28 PM

    I can appreciate the feelings you're trying to describe. I get it a lot when i hear people talk about....
    Well, this isn't about me.

    I'm happy that you understand what you are feeling, and it sounds like you understand WHY...that's the important part.

    ~hugs~

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  5. MichelleApril 15, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    I think anyone that's been in your shoes can really understand. It's hard to be angry with someone who is just enjoying their blessing that they deserve....but jealousy was always something I struggled with! I can't help it. There are some things that help heal and with time my jealousy did decrease in intensity...but I STILL get twinges when certain comments are made or events come up. Or just in cases like my SIL who had 4 successful, uneventful pregnancies in a row and that's it, she's done. I WISH that were me.

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