Competition

I wish I knew why people had to make everything in life a competition. It's really getting difficult for me to deal with. Many of the things that I have been doing have been for Zoe, for my children, for Dave and for myself. It's a healing process for all of us. I know that it isn't going to make things easy, but it certainly makes it easier.

Here's the thing, you don't want to be me, you don't want to deal with the things that I have dealt with the last two years. I wouldn't change my life at all, but it has been a daily struggle to go on and to understand why all of these things were happening.

Please understand I know how blessed we are, we are so happy for the blessings we have received. But, for someone to follow in every foot step and want to do every.single.thing. I do, it's too much. And to compare your situation to mine is wrong, it can't be compared, ever. I don't have my daughter, I didn't get the chance to hold her. I don't know if this is easier, I don't want to know, all I know is that there is no comparison. I have not had a baby early and seen the struggles they go through, but you have never had to decide what to do with your childs ashes.

I just would like a little break, please.