An amazing woman

There is a wonderful woman that I met almost three years ago when I suffered my first pregnancy loss. I found a board where women came together to help each other. On that board was Toni. Toni has an amazing spirit, she has been through so much in life. She is the mommy of one beautiful little girl here on earth and to eight sweet angels, many of those babies were lost to stillbirth. Toni recently did an interview for a paper in her area to raise awareness on doctor's offices performing autopsies on stillborn babies. Here is her story, this is just one more way that Toni has given herself for others to prosper from, she is completely selfless.

Thank you Toni for being so amazing and for continuing to give to others. You have helped me in so many ways, especially when I lost Zoe. You are simply amazing, be proud of that!

Life

comes with ups and downs for everyone. Everyone goes through things that someone else may look at and think I do not want to go through that, that would be difficult to cope with. Since we all have different circumstances and everyones has their difficult times why do people feel the need to compete with each other. Your life is not worse than mine and mine is not worse than yours. We have all had struggles, let us respect that, empathize and move on.

Do you think that will ever happen?

Love and Innocence

While I was at church today there was a little boy sitting in front of me, he was about ten years old and he was handicapped and in a wheel chair. His father wheeled him up and placed his chair next to the pew where he was sitting.

To watch the relationship between the Father and Son was quite amazing. As the little boy sat next to his Dad, he would reach over and he would hold onto his leg or he would tap his Dad and his Father would rub his palm and hold his hand. His Father was occasionally wiping the boys mouth and as he bent over to get closer to his sons mouth, the boy would reach out and play with his Father's hair.

After Communion was over, a lady walked by and the little boy reached out and grabbed her, he squeezed and she squeezed back with a smile. Then when he let go of her hand he clapped.

While I was watching them I got tears in my eyes. The amount of innocence and love that this boy felt for other people, especially his Father was amazing. That is the kind of love that people should have for each other. He loved deeply, you could feel it around him and his Father loved him back..very deeply, it was beautiful.

One year ago today

I found out that we were expecting another baby. What a day that was! I was so excited. I couldn't believe how blessed we were to get this amazing surprise!

So this is a very bittersweet day, a day that I will always remember as the day that I found out we were having another baby(I waited until the 15th and a really dark BFP to tell Dave!). But, it's also a sad day because she is not here, neither are her siblings and we are starting all over.

Simply the sweetest

This is how my kids feel asleep the other night, could you get any sweeter? They are all cuddled together, and love each other so much!



If only during they day when they are fighting over the little dog that moves and barks they would stop and hug, just for a moment!

Look at this

Pretty lose to positive, right? I think I am going to take it as one. Because later that night it was nothing again. I'm wondering if these OPK things are even worth my time and effort. I will probably still use them next month because I have them, but after that I'm unsure I will order any more. Thoughts?

Anyways, I was a little excited when I saw this.....afterall, it's the little things in life.

Ok, so this might

be because every thought that goes through my mind involves TTC. But, today I was looking at recipes....I came across this.




Doesn't it totally look like a photo of a reproductive system?

grossest.thing.ever

The little guy had to go to the doctor today. He has been sick for a little while, vomiting on and off. I realized after thinking about it forever that it began three days into our Kalahari trip, so the doctor thought that maybe it was/is a parasite. What does that even mean?! Anyways.....he went to the doctor and they sent me home with this..............



Gross, right(You have to use your imagination here a bit.....picture a diaper as well!)!?! So fast forward to later that afternoon. The little guy goes potty so I am armed with my two sticks and my oh.so.little cup. Paige walks in and says "Hey Mom, whatcha makin'?" "hehe, oh, nothing Pay" I reply. "Eww...is that POOP?" she says "Why are you doing that?"

The poor child is probably traumatized for life at the sight of her Mom playing with her little brother's poop! But, we do what we have to do as Mom's, right?!

I'll let you know what comes of the test.

Why do you still have that?

my Dad asked....in reference to my bottle of needles from my pregnancy with Zoe. He asked Dave and he answered "Tracy doesn't want to get rid of them" Then to me my Dad asked "You don't want to get rid of them, why not...throw them away" I replied "I can't, I don't want to"

I know it is strange, I know that it isn't understood by alot of people, but I can't throw them away. It is sort of a piece of her that I need to hold onto. I wish that I didn't feel that way, but I do. I felt so stupid when he said, "throw them away"...I wish it were that easy!