The Secret Garden Meeting~July

This is a blog post to talk about the Secret Garden Meeting, it is a place for families of loss to come together. It is a place to give hope to families and give you a chance to share your story.

Here are the questions for the month of July and my answers.

How do you see or imagine your baby/ies now that you do not have them with you?

~When I lost my first baby, I didn't have many dreams about him, I thought about him often and always wondered what he looked like, but I always came back to seeing the u/s over and over again.
Now with losing Zoe, I dream of her often, at first my dreams would play those days over and over in my mind. The day of finding out that I lost her, and the days leading up to losing her. After a couple of weeks, I did finally dream of Zoe, I saw her she was around the age of two or three, she was wearing a beautiful white dress and she had curly blondish/brown hair. I called for her to come to Mommy, sadly I have never seen her face. I hope that she comes back to me soon in my dreams and I long for the day that I see her precious little face. I also watch the sun, there are those days when the sun is perfect, the clouds are covering it and the sun is peaking through. You see the rays shining down to the ground, it reminds me of heaven shining down on you. For me, it always happens to come when I most need the warmth of her love.

What did the loss of your last pregnancy affect your choices/decisions about the birth of your subsequent pregnancies?

~After I lost our first pregnancy, I just remember being overjoyed but scared to death of my newest pregnancy. My first was an early one, I was eight weeks along so I kept telling myself that once I got past that point everything would be perfect with the baby. It was and I welcomed a beautiful little boy. With my pregnancy with Zoe, I lost her much later in the pregnancy, I am not pregnant again......I hope that if I am blessed with another pregnancy that I can enjoy the pregnancy without being scared.