Realization....

I have always known that the toughest times in life are when you find out who you can really count on. There are really good people in this world, and I am extremely lucky to have been blessed to have them in my life.

The past almost six months for me have been trying, the past two have been absolute hell. There are so many people that I am thankful for through this process...

~My husband has been absolutely amazing, I never knew how wonderful he was until we were hit with something so hard. He has always been my best friend, but I never knew what that meant to me until now. He has spent countless nights holding me and telling me it was ok, we would make it through this, he's strong and amazing. We have a wonderful marriage that has just gotten stronger recently and I am so happy for that, it's kind of my saving grace. I hope that he knows what a fantastic father, husband and friend that he is.

~My children, they always know when I need the extra smile, hug or the sweet little things they say. They are the best, and I love them more each day.

~My "real life" friends have been non-understanding, I guess I can't really blame them, they have never been through anything like this, thank god. But I was hoping for a little more. There are girls that I met through webmd boards 3 years ago when I lost a baby at 8 weeks. I went there looking for support, I never knew that I would find life long friendships and the most understanding, compassionate women I have ever met. All of them have children, husbands, lives but still take the time to text, email, message or call me to tell me they are thinking of me. I know that I will never be able to repay you for what you have done for me, but I hope that you know what you all mean to me.

~My OB, I swear the man is a saint. I have been going to him for 10 years and he has always been wonderful. He held me while I cried after I found out about the baby and didn't rush me out of the office. He calls me once a week to see how I am doing, and to see if I need anything. It's amazing, and I would never expect a doctor to do that, especially two months after everything happened.

~The anesthesiologist at the hospital. I feel like she was sent to watch over me throughout my hospital stays. The day of my D&E she came in and held my hand, she told me how sorry she was and talked with me. She helped me set up funeral arrangements and talked to Dave to make sure everything was ok with him. After the D&E I needed an emergency D&C, she came back that night to do the second procedure. A couple of days later I was admitted again and they couldn't find a vein, she came and numbed my arms and worked until she could get a vein, and I didn't feel a thing. About an hour later, I woke up to her moving my hair out of my face. When I looked at her she apologized for waking me up and told me that she had been thinking of me throughout the week. She said she wanted me to know that she was so sorry, I was such a sweet girl and she was praying for me. I started to cry, she will never know what she did for me, she had a calming presence about her and she really helped me through that first week.

I hope those of you that I am talking about know how much you mean to me. I may not be the most graceful at saying it, but you are wonderful and I love you. Thank you!