It has been almost 7 weeks since I found out the baby lost her heartbeat, 6 weeks since I had my D&E and I still feel like it was yesterday. I am still having a really hard time. I cry everyday. I still get up and do things, I take the kids out everyday but I am sad. Really sad.
Seven weeks later...
I still have not brought myself to take the medical supplies from when I was pregnant and get rid of them. I have tried, but I can't.
I still have stacks of thank you cards on the table, only three of them are written out, because every time I sit down I start to cry and can't continue.
I still have a bottle of the used needles from my pump because I feel like they are a part of me, and I can't get rid of them.
I still haven't talked to a friend of mine who is pregnant, because she is due the same week and I just can't...I can't.
I still haven't set up a memorial service, because that would mean that I would have to face that this actually happened, and it ends it all....for good. I feel like everyone has forgotten that this has happened, I don't want anyone to forget, the baby is important, really important.
I feel crazy some days, but just keep telling myself this is normal!
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(((hugs))) Heartache is normal. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteHey there. I'm sorry your having a hard time right now. It hits me sometimes what the surgery actually was but I'm trying to heal physically right now. Thank you for following up on me and checking in on me. I don't post a lot now that I'm not pregnant but I might start posting again..we shall see. I hope you start to feeling better!
ReplyDeleteTracy.... I say throw away the thank you cards. Don't do it. I know that it's polite to write and send them, but screw it. There is nothing that needs to be said. Those that know you well should know that you are thankful for their support, you don't need to torture yourself and write out the cards.
ReplyDeleteI know that you never want to forget, and you shouldn't. I just hope that the stab of pain goes away one day and you find some peace in your heart.
oh... and give yourself time. The last seven weeks has seemed like an eternity because you are in so much pain. You need time to heal and cope with your grief. Please don't feel like you have to do it within a timeline. We all (at least your PAL mommies!) understand how much hurt you are feeling. We don't expect you to be 100% back to yourself... I hope that no one else does either.
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