If I knew then what I know now...

So, here it is. I think all the time, too much probably. My mind is constantly racing possibly/probably the reason I can't sleep more than 2 hours a night. Do you ever wish you could see the future so you knew how to act in the present?

Here goes.... If I knew then what I know now....

I would have NEVER complained while I was pregnant and changing my pump needles, I would have cherished and embraced that time instead.

I would have talked to the baby a little longer every night, even if just to say "I Love You" one more time.

I would have taken that final u/s picture, I completely regret not having it, even if the baby was gone it was one more piece of her.

I would have never said that I didn't want any more children after this baby(I thought that the pregnancy was just too hard, and didn't think I would do it again) really, what a selfish thing to say.

and finally, if I knew then what I know now...

I would have chosen a different way to "have" the baby, and NEVER had the D&E, I feel like what I did was wrong, and I wish that I had had an induction instead.

I think about these things constantly, they play like a movie over and over in my head. Part of the process I guess.

Finally here is one of the u/s of the baby, I was about 13 weeks along, I think. I love this picture, you can see the babies arms, legs, hands perfectly and she was giving a little wave. But, just wanted to share, since I hadn't before.(sorry it's a pic of a pic, once I scan it will be better)