There you go. This is what is going on with me struggling, juggling and sleep.
Sleep is non existent, literally. Even if I take a sleeping pill. Problem is I don't know if I am not sleeping or if my constant mind racing is also in my dreams. Either way in the morning I am still terribly tired.
When I lost Zoe, after going through my "stages" I threw myself into volunteering. For EVERYTHING. I wanted to give myself a purpose. Now, I can't keep up. I am trying to do so many things and I feel like I am failing at all of them.
I am trying so hard to be a good Mom, I volunteer like crazy for Sadie's school. I have chaired several different programs and still have several more coming up. In turn I feel like I have to volunteer at Paige's school, so I do. I help finish projects, hang things at school, make crafts, make snacks. Then I want to make sure I am spending extra time with Xander because if I don't, I'm neglecting. When we went to Kalahari this week, I ran myself like a mad woman because I wanted to make sure we got in everything and then some each day. Because if I didn't I was lacking as a mother and a wife. And, here is the big thing, if someone else doesn't do as much as I do, I wonder why....isn't that what you do as a mother and wife? Really?!
Then I am trying to get this March of Dimes walk going, also get the support group and going at church. All are going well and making progress. But, I have lost all drive to do it. I feel like it is just too much for me and feel like when I do try and help other people it is setting me back, which is not something I need. Then I have an immense amount of guilt because shouldn't I be helping people, why so selfish to be thinking more about myself.
I'm having a hard time juggling it all. Do you believe I actually forgot to pay my car insurance last month? Completely forgot and got a phone call a month later that it had lapsed. Thank God they reinstated us.
I don't really know what the point to the post is except to hope that someone will tell me some of this is normal! :) I'm hoping that I am not the only one that feels this way. Hopefully it is just period I am going through. Sleep...I think that could do me some good!
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tracy, you have to let yourself breathe. you ARE a great mom, but you can't be the best mom you can be if you don't stop to take care of YOU too. if you want your kids to be happy, you have to take care of their mom. (i heard that a million times when my guys were in the NICU, & while it took a while to sink in, i think they were right.) i don't think you have to run yourself ragged to be a good mom-- what's the point of being always present if you're never really "there" mentally bc you're exhausted?
ReplyDeletei'm not saying give up your activities, or don't be there for your kids, but it's ok to take a break sometimes & you really sound like you need a rest.
maybe just taking a few days or even a few hours a week off from all extra duties would be enough to re-charge you? go get your hair done, or a manicure, or spend an evening with friends maybe...or is there anything on your plate that you can enlist help with? can you find some one to co-chair your support group at church or at the schools & delegate some duties?
hang in there girl, all you can do is your best-- no one can ask for more. ((hugs)) & i hpoe you find a way to get some rest!
Ditto what Kate said. I have nothing else to offer, but ((HUGS))
ReplyDelete~hugs~
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with what Kate said. As women, we often try to do too much and to be "super mom". That isn't good for ANYONE!!! You really do need to SLEEP and take some time for YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteIf the sleeping pills are not helping, have you tried anti-anxiety medicine? I ask that because when I was having so many sleeping issues, my dr asked me if I had racing thoughts while I was trying to sleep (I was not so that's why I went the sleeping pills route).
If you have racing thoughts, you need something to help you not be anxious!!!
I think you are a wonderful mom and a great woman!!