Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas that was filled with love, joy and family.
Sleep. It's really a thing of the past for me. After I lost Zoe, I had a terrible time sleeping, I went for weeks suffering through it all. I was lucky if I was getting two hours a night. I finally caved, realized I couldn't do it on my own and called my OB. After 3 different prescriptions and a little tweeking to the third, we finally found something that worked. I took it for a few weeks and then found I was expecting again. I had to stop taking them then. I was doing ok and sleeping well until a few weeks ago. I'm not sure if it is because of Christmas, because of a Mass for families who have lost babies, that I am planning, that is in a few days or that this year is coming to an end, like an end to a chapter.
So, I had to start taking my sleeping pills(with an anti depressant) again. I am disappointed in myself to say the least. Shouldn't I be able to do this on my own by now? Should I get so upset so easily that it interrupts and upsets my sleeping patterns and my everyday life? When it is beyond the loss and something else that needs to be taken care of? I guess I will know soon what it is that is causing me not to sleep.
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Tracy, you are a very strong woman, and I take pride in knowing you. Although it really doesn't seem so, it is a great thing to say, ok, i need help. It doesn't matter what you feel you SHOULD be able to do, what matters is what you can do, and right now, that is sleep with some help, and an anti-depressant. It's ok, it's MORE then ok. You are trying to get through this as well as you can, there is no time frame, there is no book, nor is there a guide, other then what your heart tells you. If you feel that you need even more help, a talk with someone, a good friend (who understands of course) a pastor / priest, a couselor..sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't.
ReplyDeleteWhat I do know, Tracy, is I am so happy that you realize your feelings on the matter, that is the place you need to start from.
~hugs~ You are one of the kindest, sweetest people I know, you really deserve to be happy, what ever that takes.
I second what Iiri said, she said it all so well. (((hugs))) Always here for you if you need a shoulder!
ReplyDeletePlease don't be disappointed in yourself. YOU do what you NEED to do in order to help yourself. Be it sleeping pills, antidepressants or counseling... whatever it takes for YOU.
ReplyDeleteNo one who loves and cares for you, will judge you for how long you grieve. You lost a child and no one understands that until they have walked a mile in your shoes.
Love ya lady!
I have dealt with on and off insomnia for years. Don't blame yourself...it is just something that is happening to you, NOT because of you. Same thing with depression, you didn't cause it, so why be so hard on yourself about it? If you need some medication for a little while to help that doesn't mean anything negative about you...in fact realizing that you need a little help makes you a awesome mommy in my opinion!
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