A fellow preschool Mom

heard my story. And she asked......

"How are you not depressed?" "You must be so strong"

I sort of paused for a moment. I'm not really sure how to answer that question. I mean, I don't know that I'm not depressed at times. Isn't everyone? Don't we all have moments that hit us so hard it takes us a few days to get back up?

While being pregnant with Zoe was hard, I pushed on, then I lost her, I pushed on. I had a terrible time after, but I pushed on. Then I lost two more babies, again, push on. Then, the surgery...push on. This is what needed to be done, because if it wasn't,what would have happened to my children, Dave, me? I wasn't depressed because I didn't have time. But, when I did have a few free moments, believe me, I crashed and hard. But, I picked myself up again.

I think everyone, everyday, battles something. Some bigger than others. One day we will all be stronger because of it. I have decided to throw myself into volunteering, because I am determined to have a reason for losing Zoe. If the doctors can't give me one, I'll give it to myself. I am supposed to help people, because Zoe left us so that I could and would.

So, after my long pause I answered......"I guess at times I was, but I went on, because that is what I had to do."

I know that I haven't won the battle yet, and I know that I never will. I still have things from Zoe's pregnancy that I won't get rid of because I would be getting rid of her. I also know that I am not strong, I am just continuing on, just like everyone else.